Lonliness Revisited

For the first time in my life I am alone. Lily lives with me, so I am not alone really, just without adult companionship. I am soon to be 38. I sleep on a couch in a one bedroom apartment and have few friends. I have always lived with someone. A companion of sorts you could say. It always starts out as hot and heavy and exciting and in the end I end up being a "friend". It is enough to make a woman frustrated! Lily and I are a packaged deal. If a man doesn't want to be a father figure, they need to stay away. My life doesn't work unless my daughter is accepted into a family. She is my life and I won't compromise again. She deserves better. Being divorced produces its own problems. Lily's father sees her every other or every two weekends. He is in her life. We have a pre-assigned meeting place to do the switch. It is exactly half way between the two of us. Everything we are doing is strictly for Lily's benefit. We make it a point to be amicable and calm when around her. We have discussions on the phone about her and it is only benefitting her. However, I still miss the companionship of a man. Men are to me as necessary as eating, sleeping and breathing. Someday I hope to find a man who will love us and have only our best interests at heart. A man who doesn't want to fix us, but wants us around for who and what we are now, not what we "could" or "should" be.